Blazing a trail for non-smokers.

BLAZING A TRAIL 

FOR NON-SMOKERS

I ALWAYS knew there was no smoke without fire - now it’s been officially confirmed by (of all people) the Institute of Insurance Brokers. 

It would appear that drivers who don’t smoke are to be offered a 12.5 per cent discount on car insurance premiums because they are thought to be less of a hazard on the road. What a wizard idea, chaps! 

Researchers rightly reckon those who light up behind the wheel are TWICE as likely to have a crash by either fumbling for a fag or trying to control a coughing fit. 

Smoke, they say, reduces visibility by fogging the windscreen, while simply holding a cigarette can be a distraction. Surprisingly they don’t mention the dangers of dropping cigarette butts in the vehicle or throwing them out of the window!

Under the proposals, to be launched by Christmas, motorists must pledge they do not smoke and the policy will become void if they resume the habit. It could mean a reduction of between £30 and £40 for the average driver. 

Quite how they intend enforcing this clause, however, remains unclear. Are insurance companies going to use specially-trained “sniffer” dogs to inspect customers’ vehicles every time an accident claim is lodged? 

But if the plan proves a success, might Smith on Saturday humbly suggest they introduce similar discounts for people who don’t have distracting dogs or unruly children on board? And double the premiums for anyone who has a car phone!

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• WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY?

DON’T you just hate being pestered by double glazing salesmen - especially when you already have replacement windows? 

In the space of two weeks recently, I received four phone calls from different reps employed by the local firm which actually installed my windows last year! 

Each time they apologised profusely and promised to amend their records, but still the calls came. Surely such inept administration only gives these firms a bad name?

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IF THE CAP FITS... 

DID you read about that four-year-old super kid who was accepted on a university computer course this week? 

As a bilingual baby, Nicholas MacMahon could read before he could talk and is now a maths expert. Do you think he might fancy a job as Chancellor?

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(This column was originally published in the Northamptonshire Evening Telegraph on Saturday, 5 December, 1992)